Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman presents recent science relevant to parenting that contradicts several assumptions and commonly held beliefs. Among the topics covered are surprising revelations about praise, sleep, lying, and self-control.
Relevant to performance, a point of interest was that parents of teenagers feel that arguing is destructive to the relationship, while the teenagers themselves feel it is productive. Part of the reason is that parents report holding onto the negative affect from the argument longer than do teens. More importantly, the teens view arguing as an important way to be heard and assert their growing power and independence.
Similarly, in Eleven Rings, Phil Jackson says that he always welcomed debate from his players because it showed they were engaged in solving problems.
So, the next time you are involved in an argument or conflict, perhaps there are other, more productive, ways of understanding what is happening.